Time Flies

Oh, Sunniva, what an incredible autumn it has been! Two busy months have gone by since I last wrote to you, so I hope to record at least something of what you've been up to before you wake up from your nap on the balcony.

October passed in a fog of sickness for all of us; you got the normal barnehage cold and accompanying fever at least twice, and of course you passed it on to Mommy and me. By Halloween you were feeling better, though, and you were fascinated by our pumpkin carving and jack-o-lantern lighting. Mormor, Morfar, Kathrine, Andre and Elise were here that weekend to help celebrate, everyone laughing as you ran around in your little coat (looking like a purple pumpkin yourself) saying 'Happy Halloweeeeeeen! Happy Halloweeeeeeen!!'

Exhausted as we all were, and worrying that your sleeping was never going to get better, I jokingly said that all I wanted for my 35th birthday was for you to sleep through the night. Lo and behold, those first two weeks of November your two best sleeping weeks ever! You were finally able to go to bed in the evening without us rocking you (either in our arms or in the stroller), and - even better - you only woke up once or twice all night every night!

So we had a wonderful birthday weekend with a surprise visit from Mormor that allowed Mommy and me to have a babysitter for once, but of course we were so tired when we got to the concert in Oslo (and we thought it was so strange to be around a bunch of grown-ups without kids clinging to them) that we came on home before midnight to be with you.

We've just had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend, our first here in Huldreveien, and you now love 'yummy turkey' because we've eaten it for three days straight - as it should be! It's very important to me to continue these American traditions so that you can enjoy them as much as I did growing up. Your friend Tuva was here with her parents Ole and Elin, and we also invited Camilla and Mikael. Morfar and Andre came early to help with the preparations, and the whole event was a big success despite you having gotten a fever the night before. Once the guests arrived you were having way too much fun to notice that you were sick, and you were even feeling well enough to dance about and sing along as we sang from your special songbook - Sunshine, Della Mae, Loggin' Man and Cuckoo.

Everyone loves to see how much you love bluegrass and that you can sing whole verses by heart already! Every time I pick you up in the barnehage you say 'music' when we get into the car, and then it's up to you to choose which track you want to sing along to. Dancing is one of our favorite family activities, too, and I really can't think of a higher joy than spinning around our living room with you and Mommy with the music blasting and laughter abundant.

Alright little one, it's close to 11pm now (you woke up earlier, of course:-) so I'm going to go lie down next to you now. You've taken to sharing a bed with Mommy and me whenever you wake up, and even though we're all still sleep deprived to a degree, there's no place we'd rather be than by your side, holding you, comforting you, listening to your breathing and knowing that you are safe at home with us, resting, dreaming and getting ready for a new day of discovery and joy.  

Your First Steps!

The milesones just keep coming, little darling! You took your very first unassisted steps today (September 6 - 16 months and 1 day old) but you didn't stop there. We are here in Rauland and it began with two or three tentative, tottering steps from Mormor to me, and then you turned right around and took six or eight steps right back to Mormor! Mommy and I were thrilled, and you spent the better part of the next hour going back and forth from Mormor to Mommy (something about those women that Morfar and I just can't compete with;-)...

Well, a month has gone by since I wrote that first paragraph, and I think you will agree that it has been the most exciting month of your life. In this short time you've gone from Superwoman-style walking (arms raised high above your head for balance, ear-to-ear smile, fits of laughter as you tumble into our arms after a few steps) to now being able to walk fifty or even a hundred steps at a time before falling over! You no longer need your arms for balance (darn - it was so cute!!) and before long I'm sure you'll be running all over the place like your friend Ida, who comes running to the gate to greet us every morning in the barnehage.

And just how have your walking skills developed so quickly in such short amount of time? Your own eagerness and enthusiasm, that's how! All you've wanted to do is go back and forth from Mommy to Daddy, or the table to the chair, or your rocking horse to your doll stroller, or the vacuum cleaner to the guest room, or even the car to our front door, and for every step you've been simply ecstatic at discovering the new things your body can do and the new ways in which you can now experience the world. Mommy and I have been ecstatic, too, and ever so proud as we sit on the floor and send you back and forth between us; we've spent many a happy afternoon after barnehage 'working out' in this way.

There really are no traces left of the baby you once were - our Tiny Seen. You're such a big girl now, and you've even learned how to say 'Sunniva' instead of 'Dynne.' You can almost count to ten in both Norwegian and English (with a little help from us) as well as being able to recognize just about every letter in the alphabet if we show it to you. You love the alphabet song (ElleMennoPee!) and all the songs you sing in the barnehage. Apparently you even reminded Hilde of a verse that she had forgotten, and this after hearing it only once! Your memory is truly extraordinary, you love to rhyme - 'vanno danno' 'glassy dassy' - and you now prefer short phrases to simple words: 'look at that' 'pusse tenner' 'sitte stol' 'hoppe trappa' 'lille bukken Bruse' 'ride ride ranke' 'tøyse mamma/pappa/dynne' 'lese bok' and any other combination of words that you hear us say. You've also begun to enjoy drawing; colored pencils on paper with Mommy and with your fingers on the inside of the shower door with Daddy.

UPDATE: Only hours after writing this post you shocked us both by bursting into song for longer than ever before - you suddenly sang the whole first verse of 'bake kake søte, dyppe'n fløte, (lala) sukker så i vann, tomme gammel mann, som kake prikke...' And shortly thereafter you decided (out of the blue) to count all the way to ten for the first time in English - with characteristically excellent pronunciation!! Proud parents?!! Are you kidding me?!!

An Unexpected Lull

Well, Sunniva, turns out we've gotten some more Daddy-Dynne time. 'Dynne' is of course what you call yourself these days: it began with a tentative whisper in the car on the way to Stavanger from Kristiansand, and has now developed into several variations which you love to pronounce all day long - while singing, looking at pictures or in the mirror, or just babbling away as you do so well.

Your transition from life at home with us to the daily routine of the barnehage has actually gone very well. Mommy and I were with you on the first three days (less and less so each day) and then you managed a few hours alone on your first Thursday and Friday, but you got an upset tummy and were very unhappy by the end of the day on Friday when we came to get you.

The second week was difficult for all of us - you cried, screamed and protested every morning when we dropped you off (almost always me) - and were often in a similar mood when I picked you up in the afternoon after work. Your teachers have been great at sending us messages and pictures to let us know how you're doing, but it was still no fun to know that you were crying your eyes out at times and wondering what on earth was happening to the safe little world you knew.

But thanks to your prodigious language abilities, you soon learned that 'mamma jobber' and 'pappa jobber' and you began to form a strong bond to Hilde, your contact teacher. During the first week alone you didn't want to play so much with the other kids, but you felt safe when you were with Hilde. The first two days you were so tired when you came home that you roamed around the house like a zombie; eyes wide and mind clearly overfull with all the new impression. This did make for some excellent sleeping at last (Mommy cutting out soy products also helped a great deal) and by your third week everything was going swimmingly.

Your teachers all love you and are very impressed by how much you talk, and you seem to enjoy playing with everyone now, as you've learned all their names! Things were already better by your third week - protesting only when dropped off but really enjoying your days after that - and by the middle of your fourth week I was somewhat shocked and even slightly insulted (not really;-) when you barely turned around to say goodbye to me in the morning, but this is in fact the best feeling Mommy and I can have - to know that you feel safe and happy when you're away from us for such a long period of time every day.We are very grateful that we chose this barnehage for you because it's really lived up to our first impression - the staff are highly competent, compassionate and communicative, and we know you're going to continue to thrive.

You've grown so much since beginning in the barnehage, and you're learning in new ways because of the contact with different people. Your language continues to explode, and you've even come home with some Eastern versions of words you've always said in Mommy's Western dialect - 'smokk' instead of 'tutt' being the funniest example. Your legs are finally starting to catch up with your tongue, too, as you can now walk (totter) about while only holding on to one hand. You've also started to dance during this past month - the cutest little up and down shake we've ever seen - and you even say 'shake a booty' when you dance! You much prefer standing to sitting, and love to explore countertops, chairs and anything that is just above eye level and slightly out of reach (Vygotsky's Zone of Proximal Development:-).

This brings me to the importance of schooling, and teachers, and the comfort level of students. I had the pleasure of welcoming back my ninth graders for three days but then school shut down due to a nationwide teachers' strike. I've now missed seven days of school, and it's now another Sunday night and there's no solution in sight. So, a strange and unexpected lull in what is usually a time of excitement and energy.

In typical fashion, I used all of my energy to fill my strike-time by starting my autumn swim practices on Monday and Tuesday, but I must have pushed myself a bit too hard, in addition to carrying you on my shoulders to and from work (we don't have that second car yet) and walking all the way to town to partake in strike activities, because I got sick! And what happens when one person in the family gets sick? Everyone gets sick!

Sorry to say that you came down with a fever on Thursday night and then Mommy got it on Friday. We've had a miserable weekend with little sleep and lots of snot, and now you've got a frog in your throat - ribbit! Oh, poor baby, it's your first real cold, and it's no fun to hear you cough like that. You're too young to know what's happening, too young to blow your own nose or cough intentionally to make yourself breathe better. I certainly hope you have a better night tonight, but regardless, you and I are staying home tomorrow until you're better. Maybe you can return to the barnehage on Tuesday, but for now, you're going to get as much TLC as we can give!

Last day at home

Oh, Sunniva!! What can I possibly say to you on this, my last day at home with you after a blissful and unforgettable 3.5 months together?! 

You are not the same person you were when we began this adventure - you're bigger, stronger, smarter and more beautiful and charming for every day that passes. And I mean it when I say 'day' - you are growing and learning so quickly that your progress simply astounds us. Just this weekend you said your first phrases - lines from two songs: 'bæ bæ lille lam' and 'in the moon' from Raffi's Aikendrum. This may seem like a minor event when you read this as a grown-up, but let me tell you that witnessing and participating in your cognitive awakening is the most incredible journey we've ever been on. Whenever you do something new like this, it stops us in our tracks and melts our hearts. We are so proud of you, little one, and you're getting to be such a big girl already!

I'm sitting on the train to Oslo as I write this because we need to borrow Uncle Andre's car this week so that we have two now that you're at the barnehage and we're at work all day long:-( I can't bear to think that we won't have our mornings of playtime and music making any more, nor our almost daily walks to the pond to swim and see the ducks.

You've taught me so much, and I realize that in order to keep up with you and make sure we're on the same wavelength I've just got to follow your lead. I still strive to be less self-absorbed and more present for you at every moment the way your mom so naturally is.

I cannot express the depth of my respect and admiration for everything she's done for you since you were born - she is such a wonderful mother, and you both help make me the best father I can be. I feel so privileged to share my life with you, and  my only desire in this life is to do right by you both and be there so that we can be a happy, harmonious family.

Your transition to barnehage is a big change for all of us, but most of all you. You were very intrepid in your first week as you quickly formed a bond with Hilde and didn't even cry once when we said goodbye. The tears did come eventually, once you realized that we were gone, but you stayed longer and longer alone each day - 1 hour, then 2 then 3 then 4. Unfortunately your reflux (maybe due to new tooth?) made things harder for you at the end of the week, and we are very anxious as to how you will fare on your first full day tomorrow. Regardless, we are so proud of you and we will do everything we can to help ease your transition.

While we both love toying with idea of keeping you at home with us forever, we know that the barnehage will provide you with many things we cannot, most importantly, relationships with kids your own age. You are ready for this, probably more than we are, so let's all just take it one day at a time.

In closing, know that we took one last walk up to the pond this afternoon to mark this momentous occasion. I carried you up in the backpack and mommy carried you down, and we spent a very serene hour throwing rocks into the water (a favorite activity of yours) and watching them plop!

The difference in how much you've grown during our time together was apparent when we reached the playground on the way back down; when we took you there several weeks ago you just wanted to eat sand and weren't interested in anything else. But this time you fell in love with the big blue hammock swing, and you cried out 'alene!!!' over and over in delight when you realized it was much more fun to swing all by yourself.

ABC: Anniversary, Beaver, Cloudberry

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary, and the 15th of my trip to Alaska; how fitting that we celebrate here in Rauland, with its idyllic subarctic landscape, vibrant and beautiful in every season.

Due to the record warm summer this year, the cloudberries have ripened a full two weeks early here, and these were our goal as we chose a 2km loop by Lake Totak for our morning walk.

Our walk began at Telemarkstunet, a cluster of traditional wooden buildings where craftspeople ply their various trades and so keep oxygen flowing through the cultural blood of this small yet deeply rooted place. We asked an old woman baking fresh flatbread and lefser about our walk and the possibility of picking cloudberries, and she happily showed us the way.

When we finally came upon our field of 'the gold of the mountains' we had to look hard to find ones that were ripe. This being a popular place to pick, the ripe ones had almost all been taken, but we got to taste a few and brought home a bucket of blueberries besides (for waffles - yum!). 

The best part of the walk for me was discovering this beaver dam, still in use, and the many broken trees with gnawed-off trunks like toothpicks and wood shavings strewn all over. The beaver family has done impressive work here, totally backing up a fast-flowing stream so that it has become a pool of stagnant and oily marsh water. Their presence was closely felt - these were their woods, their swamp, their masterpiece of traditional craftsmanship.

Midsummer days

Dearest Sunniva,

I find it hard to write because my heart is so full of emotions that my fingers don't quite know where to begin. Every moment with you is so precious, so charged with curiosity, wonder, discovery and learning, that it can leave our heads spinning whenever your give us an hour or two to ourselves and we have a chance to reflect on it all.

Yes, you require constant energy and attention (and we are happy to give it to you!) but you are also becoming more independent now as you grow from baby to toddler into a real little girl! This month was marked by Mamina and Bhapu-ji's visit from America, which we all savored even more this time after the heart attack last year, and by Mommy's birthday, which we celebrated in the mountains of Rauland, where we saw a moose, a wild hare and caught a trout. Here are some highlights:

https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/116634188852734304288/albums/6028086044266473649

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9C8z8iq-_M

Mamina and Bhapu-ji brought you lots of wonderful books from America that they read to me when I was a little boy. Now when I read them to you and we explore together the fantastical world of children's literature, I imagine writing a book about you and having Auntie Liv, Tante Kathrine and Mamina do the illustrations. I dream of all the adventures you are going to have in your life, and all the exciting things that we will do as a family, and I want to capture it all.

The balance between documenting precious moments and actually being present to experience them fully is a tricky one in 2014, at least for someone like me who enjoys the ease with which technology allows us to click, swipe and share our lives in the beat of a drum. Have we taken enough pictures and video? Yes. Can we possibly keep it up? No, yes, maybe. What do we do with it all?!

I guess these questions will answer themselves, and the inexorable trajectory of your life will draw us all along in ways we can't imagine now. I remember Mamina and Bhapu-ji saying to each other as they watched you play in our laps, "We know how this story ends," because they have watched Olivia and me grow up and can now sit and marvel at what our family has become. You are our legacy, their legacy, and their parents' before them.

But enough of old people's nostalgia! This blog is meant to be about you, as Dr. John Watson's is about Sherlock Holmes (we are currently enjoying seasons two and three of the exquisite BBC series Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch, which premiered when we were living in London).

Back to literature then. You absolutely love reading, and being read to, and as this has been a constant in your life since you were a tiny baby, it is deeply rewarding to see that it has influenced your prodigious spoken language abilities. We remain in awe of how quickly you learn new words, and that you are able to learn several new words in a day. Just yesterday I reviewed the parts of the body we've been working on recently - 'knee' 'eyebrow' 'toes' 'foot' - and you repeated them all instantaneously and with excellent enunciation (Mamina and Bhapu-ji were particularly impressed by this last skill of yours).

You are developing physically as well, and although not quite as quickly, we did buy your first pair of shoes this week - pink suede! You've learned to stand up by yourself now and can stay standing for several minutes, but you get quite frustrated as you don't know how to get down yet! Your army style Komodo dragon crawl is all but gone (sniff, sniff!) and you now shoot across the floor on all fours. You are fearless in your climbing and exploring, and when you tumble (360s, 720s, twists like a freestyle snowboarder that we find most amusing) you rarely cry. When you do all we have to do is clap our hands or sing a song and you're your smiling, confident self again.

How else would I describe you? You are intrepid, curious, highly intelligent, funny, strong, kind, open, friendly and sociable. You love people (and you call them all 'baby' regardless of age) and animals and books and flowers (to eat!). Despite your tummy troubles that have prevented you from ever having a full night's sleep, you have always woken up - every single morning - in the best of moods; our little sunshine, full of laughter and joy, a sparkle in your eyes, ready to play and learn and love. You are a role model for us - the most wonderful little girl in the whole world!

Love,
Daddy

13 months tomorrow!

"Ohhhh, Sunniva!! Ohhhh, Seeny!!" This is the way I love to get your attention when you're crawling around on the floor and about to put something in your mouth that you know you shouldn't:-) I also say it when we have crawling races, which you love. But I fear that your crawling days are numbered, little one, for you have now begun to stand up on your own and support yourself on either your parents or the furniture. You may well skip the true crawling stage entirely; you've developed the cutest Kimodo dragon style army crawl with your elbows and knees, but it looks like you're ready for the big time now as you're now putting both feet forward when you practice walking between our legs.

So much has happened since I last wrote that I'm just going to have to resign myself to the fact that documenting your growth will necessarily happen through several different media, and may never be complete. That's okay, though, because it's up to you to complete your life story, isn't it?! And although it's up to you, you'll have lots of help, support and encouragement because that's what family is for: Aunt Olivia and Uncle Chris had a wonderful time with you when they were here, and now you pretend to talk to them on your toy phone every day, saying 'Biss' 'Biss'!

Olivia and Chris stayed with us during what was just about the biggest week in your life so far, and certainly for your parents - we put in lots of hours of preparation to beautify house, garden and table so we could celebrate you birthday three times - once just us, once with all your baby friends and finally a lovely 17.mai with Mormor, Morfar and Uncle Andre, too. Celebrating you in such grand style was one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives so far, and we are already looking forward to next year! Here are the pics and video that your aunt and uncle took:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/7752650@N03/sets/72157644415062937/

Norway 2014

After they left we went to Rauland for a long weekend and we took lots of wonderful pictures from the hidden but beautiful sandy beaches on the shores of Lognvikvatn, where I caught your second trout! You woke up just about every hour every night we were there (poor baby, you've gotten four molars over the last four weeks) but the beach, the sunshine, the pine forest, the snow-capped mountains and the solitude were the perfect remedy for all of us. We were practically alone the entire time, as very few people visit Rauland in May, and that was a real treat.

The day after coming back from Rauland you and I went up to Blektjern again - no longer in the stroller, now you sit happily in your baby backpack that your great aunt Sissel used with her kids - and the magic of our weekend continued. A school for handicapped people had brought their students on their annual trip to the pond, and you charmed them all with your babbling, paddling and splashing. You were happy to sit with them and play with puzzles while Daddy took a quick dip, and then they gave us a bucket so we could catch tadpoles, of which there were thousands!

Your language continues to explode as you learn new words every day and are able to copy just about anything we ask you to (as long as it's under three syllables:-). Mamina and Bhapu-ji arrive in just 48 hours, and after ten days with them I'm hoping that your English will have grown by even greater leaps and bounds, and that we will have written another happy chapter in your life story.

The Pale Water

Or, the pail of water, as you may call it some day soon:-) Yes, we went up to Blektjern again today, at least the third time in this, my third week at home with you. Your aunt and uncle are visiting from New York but they stayed in Oslo last night so you and I took the walk alone today.

We had the pond all to ourselves, and hence, the mallards were back (they weren't there on Sunday because there were too many people). You marveled at the way they waddled, quacked, chased each other and flew overhead, circling around and around us and leaving feather-light wingbeats in our ears. You also said hello to a pair of finches (I think), one yellow and one red.

The hiking association has just put out some new canoes by the water's edge so we went up to the cabin to see where the paddles were stored. There we discovered a meadow of beautiful wildflowers - wild mustard, long pink flowers, plumes of white and the most delicate little pansies - farther along in bloom than any others because of their secret spot in the sun. I tried to take a pretty picture of you sitting in the wild mustard, but as usual, your singular focus was on the ground and your mouth was full of dirt and pebbles as I was shooting! What better way to experience nature than first-hand, or in this case first-tooth! Emerson and Tennyson would be proud.

Your emerging bilingualism

You are asleep in your stroller next to me as I look out at a placid but colder Blektjern today. Hard to believe I hopped in just two days ago, but that's the power  of sunshine. What a strong name you have, Sunniva!

And as for naming things, your abilities are really starting to take off. You understand much more than you can vocalize, which is natural, and I am thrilled to see that you respond as well to  English as to Norwegian, which has been at least 80 if not 90% of the language you have heard in your first year of life.

---

Well, you woke up after that paragraph and it's now almost a week later. You've turned one and your linguistic explosion is such that if I don't document your words now you'll have too many for me to remember!

You showed understanding of Norwegian first, already at 6-7 months when mommy would say 'lys' and 'kykeliki' and you would look to the light and the chicken hanging from our ceiling. She continued to teach you in this excellent and methodical way until you could recognize both of us in photographs as well as other objects around the house, raise your arms to 'hvor stor er Sunniva?' clap your hands or wave at 'klappe' and 'vinke.'

When I saw how quickly you picked these words up I realized I had to start speaking a lot more English to you, and with a bit more pedagogy behind my words (C'mon, Teacherman!). Happily, you seem to have inherited your parents' fondness and facility for language, and you caught right up after a few weeks of intensive EFL! Most amazing is to watch how you parrot us more and more, repeating just about everything we say and even picking up on words you know in sentences that aren't addressed to you. 

As of now, your Norwegian words are:
'mamma'
'pappa'
'den' - den
'bam' - bamse, vann
'jajajaja' - you sing along with 'trollemor' and say 'ja'
'nei'
'puh' pære, pupp
'bæs' - bæsj
'muh' - mer eller mat
'baby'
'datt' - from lille petter edderkopp
'hatt' - from lille petter edderkopp

'Broom' - (car sound)

'Nam' - yummy

'Bo' - bok

'Ja'

Har prøvd: kykiliki

And your English words are:
'mamma, pappa' (not quite mommy and daddy yet)
'bam' - bunny
'yes'
'no' (nono)
'up' 
'oww' - owl (you love watching Twinkle Twinkle Little Star w owl on iPad b4 bed)
'ayyy' (when I point to my eye; not sure if you understand the perpendicular pronoun yet)
'ot' - hot
'mow' - mouth
'muh' - more
'baby'
'hat'

Daddy leave, part 2

Yesterday was our first day of the second phase of our Pappaperm (daddy leave). I took my first of three months in November/December so that we could enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas at the farm, but that also meant that you and I haven't had the privilege of being alone together for long stretches of time until now!

On Saturday Mommy got us ready for that challenge by spending all day away and getting a beautiful new haircut. Yesterday was her first day back at work and you and I had wonderful time here at home and at Blektjern, which I've documented in this video. I was even able to take a quick dip in the pond - the season's first - while you were sleeping.

Spring flowers

Yesterday I discovered a wonderful local nursery in Skoger where I bought lots of early spring flowers - daffodils, pansies, flox and muscari - and planted them while you and mommy watched from the terrace. You are so happy out there with your new green turtle swimming pool and little red and blue swing, and we have started to enjoy our meals outside every day (which is of course why the garden has to look its finest!). We are looking forward to hosting friends and family from near and far for your first birthday, only 12 days away!

Your first Easter

 

Your first Easter was a wonderful experience highlighted by daily ski trips and picnics on the last two days. There was only one day that you didn't want to be in your little sled, causing us to have to turn around and go home, but other than that you loved being in the mountains, the fresh air and the snow. My favorite moment was when Morfar and I took care of you alone while the others were skiing and we kept you busy by melting snow in our hands. You were fascinated, babbling away at the snow, picking it up between your thumb and forefinger (which you wield so expertly now) and even eating it!

April in history

I will share two articles here to mark the passage of time, which astonishes me more and more for each year, each decade, that passes.

NIRVANA:
http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2014/apr/11/nirvana-rock-and-roll-hall-of-fame-collaborations-lorde-joan-jett-st-vincent-kim-gordon

RWANDA:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/04/06/magazine/06-pieter-hugo-rwanda-portraits.html

Twenty years ago in April the world convulsed, and the death that surrounded you depended on where you were and what you were aware of. Close to a million murders in six weeks in Rwanda - inescapable for them, wholly ignorable for us - but one suicide in Seattle overshadowed all of that for my generation and most other Americans.

It may take another twenty years for me to sort this all out in my head and heart. I didn't even know Rwanda existed until I was almost thirty, until I sank to my knees on the floor the genocide museum in Kigali in July of 2008 and cried my eyes out, having seen, heard and read too much.

Nirvana, however, had been an almost constant presence in my life since I was thirteen. Their music and what I perceived to be their values influenced me enormously when I was at my most impressionable age, but that influence had faded (or so I thought) by the time Anette and I were traveling around East Africa by bus.

Reading these and other articles this April has caused myriad emotions and thoughts to congregate and agitate against one another. The experiences that shape us do so differently, varying in duration, intensity and resonance, and they surface and resurface in our lives on their time, not ours; a pleasant process of 'non-control,' especially for a control freak like me.

As I've written before (and say often to my students) my identity and even personality changes based on which culture I'm attuned to on any particular day - punk, African, Spanish, banjo geek, ski enthusiast - and this is of course influenced by the books I read, music I listen to, people I meet, food I eat, etc. My experience of imbibing Nirvana, acting out my own version of Kurt's life through Meridian (we covered Aneurysm, too, but never as well as Kim Gordon:-) is still just as important to me as my more recent East African identity and our incredible two years there.

Over a lifetime, certain dreams are achieved while others will remain (sometimes painfully) in the firmament, and feelings of regret and nostalgia change places like the sun and moon. What is important is being able to connect to both things, all sides, and to still find yourself in the middle of it all. New father laughs at self-obsessed post and returns his attention to Sunniva:-)

Your first spring

Dearest Sunniva,

I've just rocked you to sleep in your stroller on the balcony, and I'm watching you as I write this post. This morning you decided to wake up at 6:15am, which was actually fine by me once I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and saw the deep tangerine rays of the early morning sun beaming through our living room windows and into our kitchen.

The kitchen is where we eat breakfast and where you love to discover new foods and make a glorious mess depending on the dish: avocado, pear, spaghetti, etc. Don't get me wrong - you don't eat spaghetti for breakfast - that's almost always homemade oatmeal and home-mashed pear.

After breakfast we went up to the third floor, our music, meditation and chess space, and we had a delightful time playing with finger puppets and the colorful fish you got from your cousin Tasha for Christmas. I played some banjo for you and as always you were happy to babble away at my side, absorbing the music and absorbed in your own world at the same time.

When we went to the front window of the third floor we met a neighborhood friend who first visited you last summer - the roe deer! Not sure if it was one of the same ones, but this young buck with velvety spring antlers took the same path they always do, nibbling his way along the brush line and then carefully crossing our little stretch of Huldreveien to nibble in the garden of the kind old lady from Haugesund.

I chose to hold you in my arms and encourage you to 'Look! Look at the deer!' instead of rushing down to get our camera, so I'll post a picture of last night's seance instead - proof that despite the lack of sleep, you have brought peace, contentment and joy to our lives in a way that we never knew before. And how could we have known? Your presence and personality have enriched us a thousand fold, and as your first year draws rapidly to a close, we greet the spring and summer with your happiness, excitement and wonder at each new day and its adventures.

Love,
Daddy

Snow in April

Spring cleaning

Needless to say Daddy is ecstatic to have his beautiful girls back at home - life is much more fun with you two around! This week spring has come to Drammen, the sunshine bringing everyone outdoors to play, marvel, bask, and of course, clean. I've started swimming once a week and was inspired to get a family pass to Drammensbadet, where we all went on Friday to begin our weekend. You loved the water and your mom and I had great fun passing you back and forth between us, making sure to dunk you just enough so you could splash, paddle and kick, but not so much that you would swallow water!

The day before we went on a lovely, long walk along the north side of the river (keep on the sunny side;-) underneath where the highway intersects with the train tracks and past the industrial area to the mouth of Drammensfjord. Yesterday we put up new blinds in everyone's rooms (a must with the everpresent light of this half of the year in Norway) and today we started our spring cleaning. Mommy cleaned out her closet - none of her clothes fit anymore because you've kept her so busy this past year - and I spent the morning in the garden assessing winter's damage: 3/4 of a rhododendron snapped off, one old blueberry bush broken beyond repair, and several other berry stems similarly ravaged by the cold and the weight of the snow and ice. 

Not as bad as I feared, actually, and I think the berries will do fine after the pruning I gave them, as I saw many new shoots and buds on their stems. I was also delighted to see the rhubarb beginning to unfold its giant leaves, the tiny lupine leaves poking their way up through the dead litter from last year, and these burgeoning bluebells that will surely bloom this week if they can handle the still-freezing nights.

My first week alone

Dearest Sunniva,

My nature blog has become an homage to you; a place to record milestones in your life as well as my thoughts and feelings (when I have the time) on becoming a father. You and your mom have been in Haugesund this week, and it has been very difficult to be without you both. We all flew over together last Friday and had a very pleasant weekend with Mormor, Morfar and Tante Kathrine (and visits with the Børtveits and Edvardsens) but I had to return to Drammen on Sunday night in order to work this week.

Saying goodbye to you for the first time ever simply overwhelmed me. All day long I was ill at ease, and when it finally came time to kiss you on the forehead one last time and wave goodbye (you're just learning how to wave now, and to stretch your arms out lovingly, inquisitively, to us) the floodgates broke and I ended up crying all the way to the airport, a good twenty minutes. I couldn't - didn't - want to speak, not even when Mommy asked me to.

I was full of a mess of feelings - sadness, loneliness, emptiness, regret, longing, nostalgia - and as has been the case throughout your entire first year of life, the lack of sleep magnifies everything and tends to make reactions stronger. Not that I have the right to talk about lack of sleep, as the sacrifices your mother has made night and day for you dwarf my contributions, and she's the one who deserves eternal recognition and gratitude for all her hard work, love, patience and care.

Despite my shortcomings, your reflux, teething (seven!), and not yet sleeping through the night we have had the most wonderful time since you came into our lives ten and a half months ago. You are without a doubt the greatest gift we could ever have, and you have changed us, enriched us, educated us, and most of all, entertained us with your charmingly hesitant laugh (ever bolder now), your quickness to learn, your burgeoning language (Ma-ma! Pa-pa! Gugg! Baum! Di!) and your unfettered joy at discovering yourself and your surroundings.

We are so thankful to have such a beautiful baby daughter, our Gentle Seen, for whom we would do anything and everything. As I reflect now on our week apart, I am filled with renewed energy and determination to be there for you, to be present with you, to listen to you, talk with you, sing with you, play the guitar and banjo and piano and harmonica and Tanzanian whistle with you, watch you clap and wave and crawl and grow more and more into your own person every day. I've put together some new furniture for your from while you've been away, so I hope you like what you see when you come home tomorrow!

Love,
Daddy (Pa-pa!)